18

00:15:00

The child could also grow up evil. All murderers, rapists, assassins, terrorists had mothers. All prostitutes, thieves, alcoholics, drug-addicts had mothers. Fine, popes, presidents and surgeons also had mothers but their percentage was significantly lower. Serial killers had mothers too. That was the worst case scenario.

And then it was her in the process. She couldn’t simply imagine herself as a mother of a teenage boy or of a grown-up woman, having their own children and their adult problems. She couldn’t imagine herself waking up in the morning, dressing the child, giving it breakfast and taking it to school. She wasn’t able to picture herself with a smile on her face coming back home from work, hand in hand with the child, preparing dinner and sitting, exhausted, the whole evening inside, watching these brainless animation series, Peppa Pig or all the above, and engaging in silly conversations. The child was just a child and it couldn’t understand the adult talk. Toddlers were crazy and aggressive, teenagers needy, with low self-esteem and unpredictable, adults were full of problems and dilemmas she couldn’t even solve on her own. Each year millions of women intentionally wanted to get pregnant. About 123 million succeeded, about 87 million got pregnant unintentionally. Of the estimated 211 million pregnancies that occurred each year, about 46 million ended in induced abortion. She was just a number in a whole spectrum of numbers. Why her? Statistically, why not? Why were those 87 million women with no plans to get pregnant in the same situation as her? She had sex. Drunk, yes. But intentionally. No one forced her and no one raped her. She was young, true, but she wasn’t a teenager incapable of taking responsibility for her actions.

For hours she spent searching the information about abortion. She looked at pictures. The limbs torn apart didn’t make her cry or didn’t move her in a particular way. The tiny human was just a tiny human, not yet a complete human being. Each year 46 million pregnancies ended in abortion. That was a whole lot of people. That was actually a population of a country. A lot of people didn’t want to have another whole lot of people. They had the right to be born, not allowing others the same right. Survival of the fittest. Some were too weak to give birth to the strong ones. Millions decided that it wasn’t the right time and the right father, or the right child. Modern age Sparta. She understood those women. She didn’t want to be a mother. But she didn’t want to do another thing. She didn’t want to kill.

She made a decision. Abortion wasn’t for her. She didn’t want it that bad. She had a sense that she would carry this child, regardless of her fate.

He was, on the other hand, in a strangely good mood.

‘Ordered some fruit and vegetables for you. Are you going to keep the baby?’

‘No money for abortion,’ she answered mid-honestly.

‘Then eat healthily.’

In the evening she left him a note.

‘Peaches were delicious. I threw up. Thank you.’

‘For the vomit? Always a pleasure.’

She wanted to mess with him a bit.

But now she was carrying a baby. And he was a part of her plan.