8

06:11:00

He didn’t really miss people. He thought that he would have a sentiment for his past life, that he would miss parties and social events, birthdays, weddings and family gatherings. He thought that letting go would be harder. It was easier than he had expected. It made his life less stressful. All of a sudden he realized why some were just unsuitable for the contemporary lifestyle, corporation work, family and social circles. Why some opted for a lonesome day by day with themselves as their only companions. Why some devoted their lives to God, being not capable of dealing with all the fuss with dating and finding a partner. Why some made a different choice. Life had so many options. Why limit yourself to the standard one?

Was staying in the flat giving him the necessary freedom? Did he feel trapped in the home prison he created for himself? Was his option any different from other accessible options? Was he worse than those who gave up their successful careers to travel around the world or built a one-person business? Was he any different from those who rebelled against the order of things?

His mother resigned from her family and friends for Norwegian security. His father chose another family with a younger woman who was less demanding and posed for him fewer problems. He chose isolation. When you measure life in its profitability, his should be considered worthless. He has never done anything for others. His work was strictly mechanical, and even though averagely important, he could be replaced by anyone. His destruction of the environment was low, as he wasn’t driving a car and flying planes. He spent his money on himself but didn’t borrow money from others and didn’t really buy any valuable things. He has never given any money for charity. Was he born for a reason? Was this meaning of life a concept created by words of wisdom writers?

February was boring and uneventful. She actually started eating more as her morning nausea was wearing off. She had a funny mix of very healthy snacks and fast food treats to keep the balance of nourishing a baby and staying mentally healthy herself. She said that she took a half-a-year break from studies and that she will come back next year. The university didn’t pose any problems. She was often at home and she was watching TV all day long. He actually enjoyed having her there when he was working. He didn’t have any feelings for her, but all of a sudden he understood those men who were possessive and kept their lovers in a cage. They knew their every move, every acquaintance, every text message. They monitored their lives, as they were so insecure about themselves they weren’t able to deal with the idea of someone taking their property.

The relationship was for him in fact impossible. Meeting anyone new was out of the question. If he let the room to girls with a view to finding a partner that might work, but not every woman would be willing to spend life in a home prison. Even she escaped from the flat at the weekend. He didn’t mind her going out, although when she was outside, she was as distant to him as any stranger storming the busy streets of normalcy.

Dating online was at some point filling his boring days but when it came to meeting in real life he always found excuses not to be there. After starting a fling with twenty of such digital lovers, he decided to give it up as he felt he was taking some of the girls’ time, giving them false expectations that he will actually be with them, visit their parents and take them for a date. Nothing like this ever happened. Their frustration also grew to the point that they viciously commented on his profile and ruined his chances for a digital, not binding love affair.

From then on it was just porn and anime. This was available and devoid of consequences.