In the evening he watched some porn. He was so bored of these RedTube, Xnxx and all-the-same-full-of-adds-and-all-about-silly-girls porn sites that he seriously considered buying the access to the arty-farty materials. Or anime. Or maybe centaurs fucking a woman. Or an octopus. He saw one time a film about an octopus pleasuring a woman. It covered her every hole from anus to ears with its sticky long arms. It didn't make him aroused. He was utterly bewildered that people spent hours of fucking hard animation just to create a film about an octopus fucking a woman. And then he saw the one with a donkey and a centaur. And then everything seemed boring. Girl on girl. Sandwich with two guys. College porn. Blacked with an enormous black cock. Gay porn made him itch. He wasn't in fact gay. He wasn't into octopuses either. He liked the pretty girls who pretended to be virgins. He liked pretending that people didn't really have sex and it was all in the fantasy world. The fact that people made love at all was sometimes beyond his comprehension.
He has never been in love. He wasn't afraid of dying alone or never meeting the right girl. He didn't find them that interesting. He remembered the girls he met when he was still out and about. He wasn't the most handsome guy. Equally, he wasn't attracted to every walking body of a different sex. He had sex one time at a party. It was nothing special. He didn't like the girl. Neither did she like him. They both weren't head over heels about the encounter. Since then he hasn't really bothered to start a new fling.
It was around the time when panic attacks started. All of a sudden, he was losing his breath and feeling the boost of adrenaline in the most bizarre conditions. He felt dizzy. He couldn't be out in the open. He had difficulty in doing the shopping in the crowded mall with a lot of colors, sounds, smells, and stimuli. He barely got to the cash desk to pay for it all. His heart was pounding like crazy. He was about to faint. With difficulty, he went back to the flat. It was around the time his mother went to Norway. It was around the time he finished studying and started working. It was around the time when he started ordering the shopping online. He also changed his job for a permanent home office. It was around the time he closed himself in his flat.
She asked him whether he needed something from the shop, as she was filling the missing detergents. He wondered whether there were any detergents in the flat. She asked him whether he needed some food as if she hadn't noticed that he ordered the food online. He didn't want anything from her. He was self-sufficient.
You could do everything online. You could watch your favorite TV show, you could hang out with your favorite YouTube vlogger, you could check out your classmates' profiles online and keep in touch with your past friends. You could communicate with people. You could get inspired. Internet was brilliant and he couldn’t imagine how people lived without it for years. His mother didn't even have a social media account. She didn't even know what YouTube was really about. Even though she was abroad, she still phoned him. She couldn't use Skype. Generation gap. No wonder they had nothing to talk about.
Good that he was born in the 80s. He thought about the age of his flatmate. He checked her profile. She was from the early 90s. She had nice photos but all in all, she wasn't that pretty. She uploaded pictures from some social events with her friends. In one picture she was riding a Dutch bicycle. She was wearing a red summer dress and had flowers in her hair. She had nice legs. She wasn't his type, though. She was just a flatmate. An unequal flatmate as he was the owner of the headquarters.
He ordered sushi to celebrate her temporary absence, as she was away for the weekend. He was fond of raw fish. It was one of the remains of his fascinations with anime. There was a time in his secluded vegetation when he liked everything Asian. He ate pho, Kim chi, ramen and spring rolls. For a week. Then he came back to American traditional: KFC, Burger King, Pizza Hut. It didn't matter where you came from. You could be a genuine American in every corner of the world, listening to American rock, watching American South Park and eating American burgers stuffed with European beef. He even worked for an American company, as if the distance had ever mattered. He watched American YouTubers. He had never been in America and he had never intended to go there.
He actually didn't intend to go anywhere. You could travel online by watching pictures of those who actually did travel. You could watch those National Geographic documentaries. You could go everywhere with Google maps. What was the point of even leaving the flat?
